Our double-minded culture has a love-hate relationship with sex. We put so much emphasis on good sex, but we show concern for those who don’t conform to standard practices. People decry deviancy in the public squares and relish doing the dirty stuff in secret. Their bedroom behavior is both repressed and revolutionary at the same time.

Personally, I could care less what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own homes or in within the respectful boundaries of their communities. I don’t care to see others getting it on during the course of my daily community routine; however, I have no problem with people hugging, hand-holding, or casual kissing – regardless of gender. I’m actually more concerned about those who are obsessing about the romantic affections being shared among others.

The psychiatric term for such obsession is called fixation. It involves a compulsion to perform a specific behavior repetitively to a point where it becomes a primary focal point of one’s daily routine. In contract to brushing your teeth or eating your meals, fixations have no personal benefit to us. In fact, they often become a cause for concern either by causing us to experience harm or by causing us to neglect our most basic needs.

In a similar manner to other fixations, those who are over-invested in regulating the bedroom behavior of others are substituting a means of control for something they feel controlled by. You hear about sex scandals by ministers who preach about sexual purity all the time. Why is that? I’m willing to make an educated guess that they are dealing with perceived sexual repression within their church and family, and they are idealizing (fixating) the types of non-restrictive sexual encounters that can only be found outside the confines of the church and family.

The “hook-up culture” we see in youth these days is similar in many ways. Kids want to escape the pressures and confines placed upon them by parents, school and social cliques, so they attempt to control themselves and others using sex and drugs. Some people feel this is just normal sexual exploration, but others see it as a substitute for what is lacking in their lives. It’s probably a little of both. Sex is completely natural, but compulsive sex is usually a cry for help.


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